( there's at least tea being made, so he doesn't have to scold him for anything. rather, he wants to move around him and ensure that the meal still looks okay: that he doesn't need to swap out the rice, or try to reheat the fish, or any of the other smaller dishes of vegetables that are mostly seasoned but still not quite as good as he'd like them to be. he's too distracted by the thought of taking care of gojo that he doesn't readily realize he's being blocked off until it's too late; then there's that arm on his shoulder, where gojo crowds into his space without really taking up space at all.
it's a strange thing he's noticed. maybe it's just the effect of always counting for the limitless barrier between himself and others--or maybe it's that he never really wants to get too close to people after all.
the words feel like teasing, murmured into his ear, and a part of him wants to scoff, to rub at the shell of his pinkened ear and scrub the embarrassment off his face and sit down in a huff--a part of him feels confused, conflicted, as though now he has to try to contend with whatever feeling it is that brought up in him, and whatever feeling it is that's been percolating, as though not wanting to be understood but rather just to exist without worry.
boneless, he gently slips himself down into his chair at the table, but his palms land on his thighs, and his knees press together, and his gaze goes to the table. )
...Satoru. ( he starts, then stops--is that too soon? he can't take it back now; it's out of his mouth. )
When you... ( there's a slight wince of his gaze, like he hates saying the words out loud at all. ) ...I know that I'll never be that person. The person you... Getou Suguru. He's your most precious person. I understand that.
I think I accepted that meant I would never be able to be anything similar, either. That I...I could never be seen like you see him, or like you see Felwinter, now, or your wolf, maybe, or anything. An imprint, or someone you keep around you--that's easy, and it's easy to see myself wanting to take any little piece you might give me, because any tiny piece of something precious is equally precious.
But there's...an important person to me, here, who might want to give me everything, and I might want to take that, but I don't know if...that will happen.
And so I think I can't accept your offer now, because I think I...need time to figure it all out with myself. I would be a poor date, the person I am now. That, and... and other things. I jumped into so many things when I was incarnated without thinking them through, and I made big mistakes. I want... ( a slow swallow, like it's hard to finish that sentence with anything; it's all jumbled. ) ...to learn you, a little more. Is that wrong?
no subject
it's a strange thing he's noticed. maybe it's just the effect of always counting for the limitless barrier between himself and others--or maybe it's that he never really wants to get too close to people after all.
the words feel like teasing, murmured into his ear, and a part of him wants to scoff, to rub at the shell of his pinkened ear and scrub the embarrassment off his face and sit down in a huff--a part of him feels confused, conflicted, as though now he has to try to contend with whatever feeling it is that brought up in him, and whatever feeling it is that's been percolating, as though not wanting to be understood but rather just to exist without worry.
boneless, he gently slips himself down into his chair at the table, but his palms land on his thighs, and his knees press together, and his gaze goes to the table. )
...Satoru. ( he starts, then stops--is that too soon? he can't take it back now; it's out of his mouth. )
When you... ( there's a slight wince of his gaze, like he hates saying the words out loud at all. ) ...I know that I'll never be that person. The person you... Getou Suguru. He's your most precious person. I understand that.
I think I accepted that meant I would never be able to be anything similar, either. That I...I could never be seen like you see him, or like you see Felwinter, now, or your wolf, maybe, or anything. An imprint, or someone you keep around you--that's easy, and it's easy to see myself wanting to take any little piece you might give me, because any tiny piece of something precious is equally precious.
But there's...an important person to me, here, who might want to give me everything, and I might want to take that, but I don't know if...that will happen.
And so I think I can't accept your offer now, because I think I...need time to figure it all out with myself. I would be a poor date, the person I am now. That, and... and other things. I jumped into so many things when I was incarnated without thinking them through, and I made big mistakes. I want... ( a slow swallow, like it's hard to finish that sentence with anything; it's all jumbled. ) ...to learn you, a little more. Is that wrong?