[ Gojo does make the tea. It's terrible, but that's not his fault. He can only find terrible tea in this city. This is the least terrible he's managed to find, but it's hard to say that definitively out of the various flavors of awful available. Maybe this region once had decent tea fields, but he doubts it. Maybe one of the other islands once had decent tea fields. Maybe if they're unbelievably lucky there are still fields of tea growing somewhere they can access it, if Gojo can just find them. Until then: these stale black shreds of unidentified leaves, contained within little paper tea bags.
He sets the tea cups down, offers Choso a smile as he comes back in. Easy, for once. A simple and domestic moment, making dinner and tea for each other, laundry tumbling in the other room. Almost possible to forget what a disaster Gojo had been mere minutes ago, and no doubt will be again. The calm in the eye of the storm belying the fact that Choso's caught up in a hurricane.
But there's still a slight tilt to Gojo's lips to turn that smile into a smirk. A sharpness in his eyes both wary and predatory. Ready to turn everything into a joke--or a challenge. ]
I want to ask you something. [ Now, Gojo? he demands of himself. When he's so clearly been reminded that you're a burden and a hazard?
Especially now. Better to have the clear warning.
Crossing the space to Choso while they're both still standing, he rests one arm on Choso's shoulder again. Only the one arm on one shoulder, keeping his body turned away, somehow managing to keep his body language closed off even while he drapes on people. Never really embracing people, only taking up space inside of their boundaries. Always maintaining an infinity between himself and others, even without the use of his powers. ]
And you really ought to have the sense to say no. [ A grin like a shark as he leans his weight heavier on Choso's shoulder.
( A burden and a hazard. )
But he keeps leaning in, bringing his lips close to Choso's ear. ] Date me.
[ The words are soft and warm, playful and inviting. ] Actually. Literally. [ Important to specify, especially when he knows that the laughter laced through his tone could so easily sound like mockery. ]
Call me Satoru.
[ Then the weight lifts away and he steps back, dropping into his chair at the table with his legs splayed, posture reckless enough that it's a miracle he stays in the chair at all. He's aware that everything about that little stunt was unfair. He's unfair. But he's aware, too, that it would be too unfair to make Choso answer him while he was still being a shoulder devil with all the weight of a stone gargoyle, whispering temptation in Choso's ear. ]
( there's at least tea being made, so he doesn't have to scold him for anything. rather, he wants to move around him and ensure that the meal still looks okay: that he doesn't need to swap out the rice, or try to reheat the fish, or any of the other smaller dishes of vegetables that are mostly seasoned but still not quite as good as he'd like them to be. he's too distracted by the thought of taking care of gojo that he doesn't readily realize he's being blocked off until it's too late; then there's that arm on his shoulder, where gojo crowds into his space without really taking up space at all.
it's a strange thing he's noticed. maybe it's just the effect of always counting for the limitless barrier between himself and others--or maybe it's that he never really wants to get too close to people after all.
the words feel like teasing, murmured into his ear, and a part of him wants to scoff, to rub at the shell of his pinkened ear and scrub the embarrassment off his face and sit down in a huff--a part of him feels confused, conflicted, as though now he has to try to contend with whatever feeling it is that brought up in him, and whatever feeling it is that's been percolating, as though not wanting to be understood but rather just to exist without worry.
boneless, he gently slips himself down into his chair at the table, but his palms land on his thighs, and his knees press together, and his gaze goes to the table. )
...Satoru. ( he starts, then stops--is that too soon? he can't take it back now; it's out of his mouth. )
When you... ( there's a slight wince of his gaze, like he hates saying the words out loud at all. ) ...I know that I'll never be that person. The person you... Getou Suguru. He's your most precious person. I understand that.
I think I accepted that meant I would never be able to be anything similar, either. That I...I could never be seen like you see him, or like you see Felwinter, now, or your wolf, maybe, or anything. An imprint, or someone you keep around you--that's easy, and it's easy to see myself wanting to take any little piece you might give me, because any tiny piece of something precious is equally precious.
But there's...an important person to me, here, who might want to give me everything, and I might want to take that, but I don't know if...that will happen.
And so I think I can't accept your offer now, because I think I...need time to figure it all out with myself. I would be a poor date, the person I am now. That, and... and other things. I jumped into so many things when I was incarnated without thinking them through, and I made big mistakes. I want... ( a slow swallow, like it's hard to finish that sentence with anything; it's all jumbled. ) ...to learn you, a little more. Is that wrong?
[ Satoru's posture goes still and tense when Choso starts to speak of Suguru, and his eyes flick down to the side when Choso names him. He's entirely right, that no one would ever be able to take Suguru's place in his heart. No one would ever be able to take any part of what was reserved for Suguru. He would always be an exception, and all other relationships would forever be weighted with that caveat.
Satoru had made clear to his romantic interests here that he would not offer exclusivity. Only Suguru could ask that of him, and with the way thing were ... he doubted that Suguru ever would.
But his gaze snaps back to Choso as the topic moves on, though he keeps quiet and still, listening attentively because Choso's words are important to him.
Surprise lifts his brows for an instant at the mention of someone who wants to be Choso's everything, but his face evens out a moment later, gaze intent but expression unreadable.
Nodding once Choso finishes, Satoru sits forward and picks up his chopsticks. ] That's not wrong. I'm proud of you--that was very well-said and earnest, and you're being mature with how you approach the situation.
[ He takes a bite and chews, mulling through some of Choso's as he formulates his reply. ] I'm a bit jealous of whoever your 'important person' is--though, to clarify, it's a ... I'm jealous because it sounds like 'everything' would be exclusive, so I'm jealous that there's something that might rule me out. I'm immensely happy for you getting to have something special, and someone who values you. If that turns out to be an and situation where you get to have that and date me, I'll be thrilled. But I'll be happy that you have that joy in your life either way.
I want to make sure you know, too, that you belong here. [ He gestures with his chopsticks to point down at the table. Here, in this home they've made together. ] Not like you can't belong anywhere else, if you want to, but just that there's a place here for you. You fit here. With us. You've brought me a lot of joy, and I know Fel also values you immensely. Pretty sure he wants you, too.
[ It's all a lot of soft, warm honesty from Satoru, a lot more gentle and earnest than his usual shameless front--like the showy, challenging way he'd just asked Choso out. ]
I've got such a crush on you, Choso. [ His smirk flashes briefly across his face, but it's a wry thing, and any edge to it has already been turned inward so that it will only cut himself. ] The cute aggression is intense.
[ A part of him wants to make an argument that he needs Choso, and he does. Choso has become an anchor for him, emotionally and morally. Choso provides domesticity and safety for him, taking care of Satoru in ways that he deeply struggles to care for himself--he keeps up a front that the reason he doesn't help with chores is because he's lazy and selfish, hiding the signs of a depression where he would simply not eat for days if left to his own devices, much like the way that he avoids sleep. Choso provides a buffer and a balance between him and Fel, and Satoru's not sure if the two of them are capable of not destroying their own relationship out of stubbornness and pride, without Choso creating a point of compromise. They end up talking about Choso in most of their arguments. Even without being physically present, he reins them in because they both care enough to want to keep from displeasing him.
Saying any of that feels like it would lay chains on Choso, and that isn't fair to him, if he has a chance at happiness.
Satoru's smirk fades, and he gazes into his food, taking another couple of bites and trusting that Choso will let him work through his thoughts a little bit more. ]
You're incredibly valuable to me, Choso. [ That feels like the most he can fairly say. It's true, and Choso deserves to know that he's valued. Satoru's expression remains faraway and sad, and he doesn't look up. ] But you're right. You'll never be my one and only.
If you have a chance at having that, you should take it.
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He sets the tea cups down, offers Choso a smile as he comes back in. Easy, for once. A simple and domestic moment, making dinner and tea for each other, laundry tumbling in the other room. Almost possible to forget what a disaster Gojo had been mere minutes ago, and no doubt will be again. The calm in the eye of the storm belying the fact that Choso's caught up in a hurricane.
But there's still a slight tilt to Gojo's lips to turn that smile into a smirk. A sharpness in his eyes both wary and predatory. Ready to turn everything into a joke--or a challenge. ]
I want to ask you something. [ Now, Gojo? he demands of himself. When he's so clearly been reminded that you're a burden and a hazard?
Especially now. Better to have the clear warning.
Crossing the space to Choso while they're both still standing, he rests one arm on Choso's shoulder again. Only the one arm on one shoulder, keeping his body turned away, somehow managing to keep his body language closed off even while he drapes on people. Never really embracing people, only taking up space inside of their boundaries. Always maintaining an infinity between himself and others, even without the use of his powers. ]
And you really ought to have the sense to say no. [ A grin like a shark as he leans his weight heavier on Choso's shoulder.
( A burden and a hazard. )
But he keeps leaning in, bringing his lips close to Choso's ear. ] Date me.
[ The words are soft and warm, playful and inviting. ] Actually. Literally. [ Important to specify, especially when he knows that the laughter laced through his tone could so easily sound like mockery. ]
Call me Satoru.
[ Then the weight lifts away and he steps back, dropping into his chair at the table with his legs splayed, posture reckless enough that it's a miracle he stays in the chair at all. He's aware that everything about that little stunt was unfair. He's unfair. But he's aware, too, that it would be too unfair to make Choso answer him while he was still being a shoulder devil with all the weight of a stone gargoyle, whispering temptation in Choso's ear. ]
no subject
it's a strange thing he's noticed. maybe it's just the effect of always counting for the limitless barrier between himself and others--or maybe it's that he never really wants to get too close to people after all.
the words feel like teasing, murmured into his ear, and a part of him wants to scoff, to rub at the shell of his pinkened ear and scrub the embarrassment off his face and sit down in a huff--a part of him feels confused, conflicted, as though now he has to try to contend with whatever feeling it is that brought up in him, and whatever feeling it is that's been percolating, as though not wanting to be understood but rather just to exist without worry.
boneless, he gently slips himself down into his chair at the table, but his palms land on his thighs, and his knees press together, and his gaze goes to the table. )
...Satoru. ( he starts, then stops--is that too soon? he can't take it back now; it's out of his mouth. )
When you... ( there's a slight wince of his gaze, like he hates saying the words out loud at all. ) ...I know that I'll never be that person. The person you... Getou Suguru. He's your most precious person. I understand that.
I think I accepted that meant I would never be able to be anything similar, either. That I...I could never be seen like you see him, or like you see Felwinter, now, or your wolf, maybe, or anything. An imprint, or someone you keep around you--that's easy, and it's easy to see myself wanting to take any little piece you might give me, because any tiny piece of something precious is equally precious.
But there's...an important person to me, here, who might want to give me everything, and I might want to take that, but I don't know if...that will happen.
And so I think I can't accept your offer now, because I think I...need time to figure it all out with myself. I would be a poor date, the person I am now. That, and... and other things. I jumped into so many things when I was incarnated without thinking them through, and I made big mistakes. I want... ( a slow swallow, like it's hard to finish that sentence with anything; it's all jumbled. ) ...to learn you, a little more. Is that wrong?
no subject
Satoru had made clear to his romantic interests here that he would not offer exclusivity. Only Suguru could ask that of him, and with the way thing were ... he doubted that Suguru ever would.
But his gaze snaps back to Choso as the topic moves on, though he keeps quiet and still, listening attentively because Choso's words are important to him.
Surprise lifts his brows for an instant at the mention of someone who wants to be Choso's everything, but his face evens out a moment later, gaze intent but expression unreadable.
Nodding once Choso finishes, Satoru sits forward and picks up his chopsticks. ] That's not wrong. I'm proud of you--that was very well-said and earnest, and you're being mature with how you approach the situation.
[ He takes a bite and chews, mulling through some of Choso's as he formulates his reply. ] I'm a bit jealous of whoever your 'important person' is--though, to clarify, it's a ... I'm jealous because it sounds like 'everything' would be exclusive, so I'm jealous that there's something that might rule me out. I'm immensely happy for you getting to have something special, and someone who values you. If that turns out to be an and situation where you get to have that and date me, I'll be thrilled. But I'll be happy that you have that joy in your life either way.
I want to make sure you know, too, that you belong here. [ He gestures with his chopsticks to point down at the table. Here, in this home they've made together. ] Not like you can't belong anywhere else, if you want to, but just that there's a place here for you. You fit here. With us. You've brought me a lot of joy, and I know Fel also values you immensely. Pretty sure he wants you, too.
[ It's all a lot of soft, warm honesty from Satoru, a lot more gentle and earnest than his usual shameless front--like the showy, challenging way he'd just asked Choso out. ]
I've got such a crush on you, Choso. [ His smirk flashes briefly across his face, but it's a wry thing, and any edge to it has already been turned inward so that it will only cut himself. ] The cute aggression is intense.
[ A part of him wants to make an argument that he needs Choso, and he does. Choso has become an anchor for him, emotionally and morally. Choso provides domesticity and safety for him, taking care of Satoru in ways that he deeply struggles to care for himself--he keeps up a front that the reason he doesn't help with chores is because he's lazy and selfish, hiding the signs of a depression where he would simply not eat for days if left to his own devices, much like the way that he avoids sleep. Choso provides a buffer and a balance between him and Fel, and Satoru's not sure if the two of them are capable of not destroying their own relationship out of stubbornness and pride, without Choso creating a point of compromise. They end up talking about Choso in most of their arguments. Even without being physically present, he reins them in because they both care enough to want to keep from displeasing him.
Saying any of that feels like it would lay chains on Choso, and that isn't fair to him, if he has a chance at happiness.
Satoru's smirk fades, and he gazes into his food, taking another couple of bites and trusting that Choso will let him work through his thoughts a little bit more. ]
You're incredibly valuable to me, Choso. [ That feels like the most he can fairly say. It's true, and Choso deserves to know that he's valued. Satoru's expression remains faraway and sad, and he doesn't look up. ] But you're right. You'll never be my one and only.
If you have a chance at having that, you should take it.