[ Satoru's posture goes still and tense when Choso starts to speak of Suguru, and his eyes flick down to the side when Choso names him. He's entirely right, that no one would ever be able to take Suguru's place in his heart. No one would ever be able to take any part of what was reserved for Suguru. He would always be an exception, and all other relationships would forever be weighted with that caveat.
Satoru had made clear to his romantic interests here that he would not offer exclusivity. Only Suguru could ask that of him, and with the way thing were ... he doubted that Suguru ever would.
But his gaze snaps back to Choso as the topic moves on, though he keeps quiet and still, listening attentively because Choso's words are important to him.
Surprise lifts his brows for an instant at the mention of someone who wants to be Choso's everything, but his face evens out a moment later, gaze intent but expression unreadable.
Nodding once Choso finishes, Satoru sits forward and picks up his chopsticks. ] That's not wrong. I'm proud of you--that was very well-said and earnest, and you're being mature with how you approach the situation.
[ He takes a bite and chews, mulling through some of Choso's as he formulates his reply. ] I'm a bit jealous of whoever your 'important person' is--though, to clarify, it's a ... I'm jealous because it sounds like 'everything' would be exclusive, so I'm jealous that there's something that might rule me out. I'm immensely happy for you getting to have something special, and someone who values you. If that turns out to be an and situation where you get to have that and date me, I'll be thrilled. But I'll be happy that you have that joy in your life either way.
I want to make sure you know, too, that you belong here. [ He gestures with his chopsticks to point down at the table. Here, in this home they've made together. ] Not like you can't belong anywhere else, if you want to, but just that there's a place here for you. You fit here. With us. You've brought me a lot of joy, and I know Fel also values you immensely. Pretty sure he wants you, too.
[ It's all a lot of soft, warm honesty from Satoru, a lot more gentle and earnest than his usual shameless front--like the showy, challenging way he'd just asked Choso out. ]
I've got such a crush on you, Choso. [ His smirk flashes briefly across his face, but it's a wry thing, and any edge to it has already been turned inward so that it will only cut himself. ] The cute aggression is intense.
[ A part of him wants to make an argument that he needs Choso, and he does. Choso has become an anchor for him, emotionally and morally. Choso provides domesticity and safety for him, taking care of Satoru in ways that he deeply struggles to care for himself--he keeps up a front that the reason he doesn't help with chores is because he's lazy and selfish, hiding the signs of a depression where he would simply not eat for days if left to his own devices, much like the way that he avoids sleep. Choso provides a buffer and a balance between him and Fel, and Satoru's not sure if the two of them are capable of not destroying their own relationship out of stubbornness and pride, without Choso creating a point of compromise. They end up talking about Choso in most of their arguments. Even without being physically present, he reins them in because they both care enough to want to keep from displeasing him.
Saying any of that feels like it would lay chains on Choso, and that isn't fair to him, if he has a chance at happiness.
Satoru's smirk fades, and he gazes into his food, taking another couple of bites and trusting that Choso will let him work through his thoughts a little bit more. ]
You're incredibly valuable to me, Choso. [ That feels like the most he can fairly say. It's true, and Choso deserves to know that he's valued. Satoru's expression remains faraway and sad, and he doesn't look up. ] But you're right. You'll never be my one and only.
If you have a chance at having that, you should take it.
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Satoru had made clear to his romantic interests here that he would not offer exclusivity. Only Suguru could ask that of him, and with the way thing were ... he doubted that Suguru ever would.
But his gaze snaps back to Choso as the topic moves on, though he keeps quiet and still, listening attentively because Choso's words are important to him.
Surprise lifts his brows for an instant at the mention of someone who wants to be Choso's everything, but his face evens out a moment later, gaze intent but expression unreadable.
Nodding once Choso finishes, Satoru sits forward and picks up his chopsticks. ] That's not wrong. I'm proud of you--that was very well-said and earnest, and you're being mature with how you approach the situation.
[ He takes a bite and chews, mulling through some of Choso's as he formulates his reply. ] I'm a bit jealous of whoever your 'important person' is--though, to clarify, it's a ... I'm jealous because it sounds like 'everything' would be exclusive, so I'm jealous that there's something that might rule me out. I'm immensely happy for you getting to have something special, and someone who values you. If that turns out to be an and situation where you get to have that and date me, I'll be thrilled. But I'll be happy that you have that joy in your life either way.
I want to make sure you know, too, that you belong here. [ He gestures with his chopsticks to point down at the table. Here, in this home they've made together. ] Not like you can't belong anywhere else, if you want to, but just that there's a place here for you. You fit here. With us. You've brought me a lot of joy, and I know Fel also values you immensely. Pretty sure he wants you, too.
[ It's all a lot of soft, warm honesty from Satoru, a lot more gentle and earnest than his usual shameless front--like the showy, challenging way he'd just asked Choso out. ]
I've got such a crush on you, Choso. [ His smirk flashes briefly across his face, but it's a wry thing, and any edge to it has already been turned inward so that it will only cut himself. ] The cute aggression is intense.
[ A part of him wants to make an argument that he needs Choso, and he does. Choso has become an anchor for him, emotionally and morally. Choso provides domesticity and safety for him, taking care of Satoru in ways that he deeply struggles to care for himself--he keeps up a front that the reason he doesn't help with chores is because he's lazy and selfish, hiding the signs of a depression where he would simply not eat for days if left to his own devices, much like the way that he avoids sleep. Choso provides a buffer and a balance between him and Fel, and Satoru's not sure if the two of them are capable of not destroying their own relationship out of stubbornness and pride, without Choso creating a point of compromise. They end up talking about Choso in most of their arguments. Even without being physically present, he reins them in because they both care enough to want to keep from displeasing him.
Saying any of that feels like it would lay chains on Choso, and that isn't fair to him, if he has a chance at happiness.
Satoru's smirk fades, and he gazes into his food, taking another couple of bites and trusting that Choso will let him work through his thoughts a little bit more. ]
You're incredibly valuable to me, Choso. [ That feels like the most he can fairly say. It's true, and Choso deserves to know that he's valued. Satoru's expression remains faraway and sad, and he doesn't look up. ] But you're right. You'll never be my one and only.
If you have a chance at having that, you should take it.